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Additional
A visionary
whose brilliant hindsight into the obvious along with his unsurpassed
ability to blame others for his failures, Michael Wiederman is a
man driven by the fact that he can make more off unemployment than
by actually finding work.
Raised in Brooklyn,
NY by a working class Italian family, the family eventually became
fed up with taking care of Michael and returned him to his natural
parents who at the time were hiding out from bookies at a deli in
Secaucus, NJ.
Growing up,
Michael was constantly harassed, beaten and robbed for his comic
book money by black, Puerto Rican and Anti-Semitic kids from the
nearby Catholic school on a regular basis.
After several
failed attempts by his mother to abandon him at a South Bronx Laundromat,
Michael's family decided to relocate to Southern California when
he was 12. Unbeknownst to them, Michael found his way to the airport
just as they were boarding the plane so they had no choice but to
bring him along.
Not unlike his
childhood, during Michael's High School tenure he was the victim
of continuous torment from other students, bullies as well as a
couple of questionable science teachers. Fortunately for Michael
his athletic prowess allowed him to become an outstanding contributor
to his school's championship baseball team where he was utilized
as a bat.
Upon graduating
High School, after being forced out due to exceeding the age limit
for seniors, Michael scored an impressive 1500 on his SATs. As a
result, he was accepted to a prestigious Ivy League school where
he was immediately expelled after it was later revealed that his
high score was a combination of 4 attempts.
He went on to
enroll at one of the finest Junior Colleges in Long Beach, CA where
during his tenure Michael continued to hone his skills as a bat
(this time in the role of Captain) for the baseball team while at
the same time attempting to explore other interests and talents
less painful.
Frustrated with
his inability to help his school win a championship, Michael received
his Liberal Arts degree and then was rejected from a California
State University where, after releasing some questionable photos
of faculty members to the Dean and signing several legal documents,
he was allowed to attend.
While holding
down a full-time job as a security guard at a drive through library
while also maintaining a G.P.A. of -2.97, Michael eventually received
a degree in Communications where he immediately scratched out the
recipient's name and wrote in his own, spelling it incorrectly in
the process.
Once out of
school, Michael's true potential as a visionary was realized by
others when a bidding war was initiated for his services. After
lengthy negotiations with a well respected and overrated advertising
agency in Orange County, California, Michael agreed to join them
only after a substantial upfront bonus was paid. So after pawning
off his deceased father's antique watch and World War II medals
Michael was able to pay the bonus and soon began work.
The first to
utilize symbolic visuals in ads, Michael's first campaign was for
a new car company ready to compete in the market. Never to play
it safe, Michael envisioned the decapitation of a six year old girl's
head as it passed under a low tunnel as its sub textual image. His
concept was not only revolutionary but so was his innovation to
use a real girl instead of a dummy for the actual beheading.
Unfortunately,
consumers did not identify with Michael's vision as the commercial
failed to live up to its potential and the car company was forced
to merge with a well-known pizza chain as now a fleet of delivery
vehicles. With the child labor division of the Screen Actors Guild
threatening a lawsuit, Michael was fired from his job.
As agencies
continued to fear the inflated insurance costs of bringing him on,
Michael couldn't locate work in the advertising field and was forced
to take on a series of odd jobs. He was eventually fired from each
one including a brief stint as a mannequin at a department store
where he was accused of sexual harassing several other displays.
With no goals,
drive or even ambition to speak of, Michael attempted to break into
the entertainment field as a screenwriter where he has penned several
films in a broad range of genres from suspense-drama to romantic
comedies featuring light cannibalism as its core.
In his spare
time Michael enjoys getting to know small children while their parents
aren't around, ridiculing the mentally retarded as well as dabbling
in midget snuff films.
Michael currently
resides in Southern California in a friend's condo where if his
friend ever found out about it would immediately ask him to leave.
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